Feeling This
by vintage demigoddess
Summary: No longer a oneshot Tainted love never felt so right yet so wrong. The fights, the arguments……… the hate that burns as much as the love……… Rory and Tristan pairing the song is Blink 182’s “Feeling this T for some language
1. middle

Feeling This

**ONE-SHOT** Tainted love never felt so right yet so wrong. The fights, the arguments……… the hate that burns as much as the love……… Rory and Tristan pairing (the song is Blink 182's "Feeling this)

**I got to regret right now (I'm feeling this)**

"Bitch!"

**The air is so cold and low (I'm feeling this)**

"Bastard!"

**Let me go in her room (I'm feeling this)  
I love all the things you do (I'm feeling this)**

He hated this; he hated himself for feeling this. For giving in so easily, praying that things would change, only to have that small flicker of hope stamped on by her blood red chimmy choos.

**Show me the way to bed (I'm feeling this)  
Show me the way you move (I'm feeling this)**

She hated herself for being so weak, surrendering herself so easily to his ways. For thinking that this time things would be different, but only to find that they were right back where they started.

**Fuck it, it's such a blur (I'm feeling this)  
I love all the things you do (I'm feeling this)**

Harsh breathing resounded around the room, their hands frantically moving to remove the other's clothing that presented obstacles to the ultimate goal. Their hands bruised the others flesh in a desperate struggle to mark the other person; to hurt them as much as they themselves had been hurt.

**Fate fell short this time  
Your smile fades in the summer **

His breathing hitched as he rose his head from her shoulder and his stormy blue eyes lock onto her ocean blue eyes, her hate swimming clearly in their bottomless depths. His body tensed as he felt her nails digging into his shoulders and her legs tighten around his waist.

**  
Place your hand in mine  
I'll leave when I wanna**

Where do we go from here  
Turn all the lights down now

Her lips sought out his as she pulled him into a bruising kiss that left them breathless. Her body arched as she felt his fingers digging into her hips as he gazed down at her from above, hate the only emotion present in his eyes. A sign filtered from between her lips before she gave herself over to the sensations only he could awaken in her.

**  
Smiling from ear to ear (I'm feeling this)  
Our breathing has got too loud (I'm feeling this)  
Show me the bedroom floor (I'm feeling this)  
Show me the bathroom mirror (I'm feeling this)  
Were taking this way too slow (I'm feeling this)  
Take me away from here (I'm feeling this)**

Their bodies moved in union as they reached the ultimate high. Eyes locked on the others they saw the glazed love shinning clearly in each others as they tumbled over the edge and into the abyss. ****

Fate fell short this time  
Your smile fades in the summer  
Place your hand in mine  
I'll leave when I wanna

He couldn't control himself. She was his ultimate high, the one thing he could always count on to make him feel, while slowly kill him in the process. ****

Fate fell short this time  
Your smile fades in the summer

She watched as he once again rolled off her and gathered his clothes. Her body felt numb as her soul dropped from its upward journey to heaven and settled back down into its home; the fiery pits of hell.

**  
Place your hand in mine  
I'll leave when I wanna**

This place was never the same again  
After you came and went  
How can you say you meant anything different  
To anyone standing alone on the street  
With a cigarette on the first night we met

Reaching for the door handle, he couldn't help but turn back andsweep his gaze over her angelic body. She was truly the devil in disguise, tempting him to the point that he didn't know what was right and what was wrong anymore. Her body glistened in the moonlight that was streaming in through windows and illuminated the bruises… bites… marks that he had left decorated all over her body in his unconscious need to possess her. Turning back around, he left her there once again, trying to convince himself that the tears he had seen streaming down her cheeks were just an illusion. ****

Look to the past and remember and smile  
And maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile  
I'm not in this scene I think I'm falling asleep  
But then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you

Sobs raked her body as he once again left her. No matter how many times he left, she always let him back in. She knew that it was as much her fault as his and that she only had herself to blame. The night air pierced her skin as she rolled over and let herself be embraced in the arms of her nightmares. ****

Fate fell short this time   
Your smile fades in the summer  
Place your hand in mine  
I'll leave when I wanna

His back to the door, he felt a lone tear make its way down his cheek to splash onto the floor.No matter how hard they tried they always found themselves back at square one, back at the beginning of their end. Signing, he slung his jacket over his shoulder and proceeded to make his way into the night air.****

Fate fell short this time (Fate fell short this time)  
Your smile fades in the summer (Your smile fades in the summer)  
Place your hand in mine (Place your hand in mine)  
I'll leave when I wanna (I'll leave when I wanna)

Hearing the door creak open, she heard him attempt to be quite as he made his way towards the bed. The smell of cheap perfume and expensive liquor filled the room until she was choking on it. He climbed in beside her and wrapped his arms around her, before he sank into a dreamless sleep, leaving her bruised and broken next to him as she thought of the only person who could make her whole again… the _other_ blonde with the icy blue eyes.****

Fate fell short this time (Fate fell short this time)  
Your smile fades in the summer (So lost and disillusioned)  
Place your hand in mine (Place your hand in mine)  
I'll leave when I wanna(So lost and disillusioned)

He tip toed into the room and slipped into the bed beside her.She unconsciously rolled her body into his and he signed as his thoughts drifted to the fiery brunette he had just been with. He gazed upon the brunette head of hair that was currently lying on his chest and felt nothing, but regrets that she wasn't someone else; that she wasn't the _other_ brunette with the baby blue eyes.****

Fate fell short this time (are we alone do you feel it)  
Your smile fades in the summer (So lost and disillusioned)  
Place your hand in mine (are we alone do you feel it)  
I'll leave when I wanna (So lost and disillusioned)

Tainted love never felt so right yet so wrong. The fights, the arguments……… the hate that burns as much as the love……… It was their way and no matter how hard they tried to fight it, it would always be their way.

**  
Fate fell short this time (are we alone do you feel it)  
Your smile fades in the summer (So lost and disillusioned)  
Place your hand in mine (are we alone do you feel it)  
I'll leave when I wanna (So lost and disillusioned)**


	2. beginning

O.k. so this started out as a **ONE-SHOT** (as seen from last chapter) but 'coz I'm in a good mood I think I'll add different songs to do with these two. (Rory and Tristan) That probably means that the whole thing will be 3 chapters long maybe more… shrugs …… So I guess this one's about their beginning…… Song's "Nobody" by Amy Studt

_Just to let ya'll know that I don't own any of the characters mentioned here_

**Sometimes it seems that I have no place.  
And I don't know what to do, with myself.  
Night after another, I can taste the filth inside.  
And I need to cleanse my soul. **

She was alone: her first two loves were……… a disappointment; one got married and the other one pulled so many disappearing acts……… heck even Houdini would have been proud with that one's abilities. Ok, so maybe she wasn't completely alone, she did have the self proclaimed blonde master and commander, but he didn't fill the emptiness she felt inside. He didn't heal the self loathing she felt at throwing life's many chances away, all of which started with _another_ blonde, the self proclaimed Adonis.

**Nobody knows, nobody cares that I die, on the inside.  
Nobody sees the lie that is me, as I smile on the outside.  
Nobody knows, nobody cares that I walk, on the wrong side.  
Tell me who..nobody.  
Tell me who..nobody.  
Tell me who..nobody.**

**  
**He was far from happy: his life seemed to be stuck on autopilot; nothing new coming to freshen the stale air or no new colours to be seen amongst the everyday grey, black, brown or white. Even the brunette he'd currently moved in with brought him no joy. She didn't fill the emptiness or chase away the self loathing he felt, all she did was add fuel to his flames of resentment that she wasn't the _another_ brunette that he'd known in different lifetime, that she wasn't as fiery or smart or anywhere near as beautiful……… that she wasn't "Mary".

**But you.  
**

It was inevitable that they'd meet; they were part of Hartford's elite after all, no matter how hard they tried not to be. She was over by the bar, lounging in a blonde's arms while he was across the room, being dragged round the room. During this journey the brunette on his arm let out a squeal of excitement before "guiding" him in the direction of long last friends. they paid no attention till they heard the others name being called out and with one glance they found themselves spiralling down the rabbit hole; blind, but no longer alone. They met again, that fateful night, in the library. It was purely chance that they'd both slipped away, but it wasn't purely chance when he had her back to one of the many bookshelves, their lips fused together as all their pain and frustration finally found satisfying outlets. Afterwards they spoke, harsh words were exchanged and they departed; their self loathing back with full force……… but, the pair of them couldn't forget that for a few brief moments when they'd tumbled over the abyss and down into the depths of the unknown they'd found peace.

**All the friends that I've had, where are they now?  
Guess I'm far too intense to be loved.  
All the things that I hate, I hate about myself.  
And I need to cleanse my soul.  
**

Neither one gave in first, it just happened when they were invited to an over night wedding. Their harsh breathing, moans and cries were sent out into the empty hotel room, while their partners mingled with the guest downstairs. He slipped away first, leaving her to "pretty" herself up again. He winced as the brunette on his arm rubbed her hand up and down on his back "soothingly", only aggravating the fresh scratches his "Mary" had left their. The irony was thick by this point. Mary was for someone sweet and innocent, but the things she'd done were nowhere _near_ that description.

**But you.  
I have nobody,  
But you.  
Nobody, nobody,  
But you.  
**

She was down soon after, only to wince as the blond by her side wrapped his arms round her waist and pulled her closer to his side, amplifying the pain she felt from the bruises that the Adonis had left. But after that time it couldn't be passed off as a mistake anymore, for as the saying goes, "Once is a mistake, more than once isn't."

**Nobody knows, nobody cares that I die, on the inside.  
Nobody sees the lie that is me, as I smile on the outside.  
Nobody knows, nobody cares that I walk, on the wrong side.  
**

They didn't deliberately set out to cheat on their partners, far from it. All they'd set out to do was ease the emptiness and self loathing that they each felt and the only way they'd found of aiding this process was within the other person. It didn't matter that they always felt worse off, because for a few precious moments they were free. Free to breath without feeling constricted or watched, free to be themselves without caring what other people saw and free to love, because even though they didn't admit it and they probably never would they did love.

**Nobody knows and nobody cares but you.  
Nobody knows and nobody cares but you.**


	3. end

Last instalment I suppose. This is the end and the song's "Ghost of a Good Thing" by Dashboard Confessional

**I guess it's luck, but it's the same  
Hard luck, you've been trying to tame  
**

Rain was such a precious thing. Its icy crystals beating the ground with a deep rhythm that soothed the presence of any troubled soul. It was raining then while the two figures silently stared at each other, his hand clamped around her wrist in an attempt to stop her hasty retreat. It'd been a couple of months of not seeing each other before they'd literally collided in the bookstore. One glace at his emotionless blue eyes and she'd turned tail and fled.

**Maybe it's love, but it's like you said  
"Love is like a role that we play."  
**

Him? Not far behind her, not wanting to lose her from his life for a third time. Not wanting to go home to the fake brunette that cooed over him like some suffocating mother hen that just wouldn't leave well enough alone. Not wanting to go back to months of living a lie as he laid back in bed next to her, his body responding while his mind drifted off into the cosmos where he could see his "Mary" as clear as day, smell and taste the intoxicating essence that made her her. And he was sure she felt the same way………… she just had to.

**  
But, I believe in you so much  
I could die for the words that you say **

"Please! Please don't do this!"

**  
But, I believe in you so much  
I could die from the words that you say **

"Do what Mare? Don't let you disappear from my life again? Don't let you try and deny this thing between use anymore? Don't let the woman I _love _walk out of my life for a _third_ fucking time!"

But, you're chasin' the ghost of a good thing  
Haunting yourself as the real thing

**It's getting away from you again  
While you're chasin' ghosts  
**

The rain pored from the heavens with more intensity as the two stood in a lover's embrace. He kissed her cheeks, the salty taste of her tears mixed in with the rain. Suddenly she jerked out of his arms as if pulled back by strings and stood staring at him, before she turned and fled once more into the night, a softly spoken "sorry" floating back to his ears.

**  
I guess it's luck, but it's the same  
Hard luck, you've been trying to tame  
Maybe it's love, but it's like you said  
"Love is like a role that we play."  
**

He was standing at the bar, his view of the stairs uninterrupted. Waiting……… waiting for her to finally make an appearance in the house where it'd all started. His breathing felt laboured and he found himself unconsciously tightening his grip on both his glass and the brunette on his arm. She looked up with a bright smile as she felt his hand tighten on her waist, interpreting it as a sign of affection and comfort. Little did she know that his mind was travelling at unprecedented speeds, going over the last time they'd seen each other in the bookstore. was it, the make all and end their entire epic journey.

**  
But, I believe in you so much  
I could die for the words that you say  
But, I believe in you so much  
I could die from the words that you say  
**

Her hands shook while she stared blankly at her reflection, the glistening tap spurting water into the marble basin. This was it, this was where it all started: the lies, the sneaking about, the hours of intense feeling rushing through her body before she plummeted back down to earth, the dampness of her pillows the only witness to the tears that streaked down her face at night, the emptiness when she was in the other blonde's arms, her body responding on auto pilot as false hands mapped out her body while her mind floated above them, staring down in disgust. This was it, the make all and end their entire epic journey. Taking a deep breath she collected her nerves together, smoothed her hair down before running her hands over her dress. Time to face the music.

**  
But, you're chasin' the ghost of a good thing  
Haunting yourself as the real thing  
It's getting away from you again  
While you're chasin' ghosts  
**

Champagne flowed as the crème-de-la-crème of Hartford gathered in the ballroom. Couples danced to the soft music being provided by the orchestra, tables occupied by business associates talking "shop", laughter and joy spilling out into the atmosphere, but none of these things registered with Rory as she scanned the room for her false blonde. Spotting him across the room she worked her way through the dance floor, halting every now and then to share meaningless chat here and there. Upon reaching her false blonde she realised that he'd been talking to two other people… a couple… one with brunette hair and the other one with piercing blue eyes and a chillingly familiar smirk. "Well Mary, fancy meeting you here."

**  
Just bend the pieces 'till they fit  
Like they were made for it **

Dancing on a dance floor was never one of her strong suits. Dancing with the man who you'd been cheating on your boyfriend with didn't make it any better.She knew she should have felt uncomfortable in his tight embrace as they swayed across the dance floor, but she didn't. She felt more at ease than she'd been for a long time and that was the problem. **  
**

She was in his arms, her body flush against his as the circled the dance floor. He could feel her heart beating erratically against his chest and he smiled at the fact that she was affected by this as he was. He had felt her relax in his embrace, only to tense up again as she fought the feeling between them. He wasn't about to let that happen. Tugging on her hand her pulled her along a series of corridors until they found themselves in the library.

**But, they weren't meant for this  
No, they weren't meant for this **

It was inevitable that they'd be found in a compromising position after they'd left the dance floor. He had her pinned up against a book case, one hand beside her head against the book case while the other was locked tight around her waist, pressing her closer to his coiled body as they duelled furiously for dominance. The startled gasp and the twinkling of glass as it smashed into shards on the floor were the indications that they'd finally been found out. It wasn't as if they'd been secretive about disappearing this time. Maybe unconsciously they wanted to be caught. At that moment in time when blue clashed with blue and blue clashed with brown they just didn't care.

**  
Just bend the pieces 'till they fit  
Like they were made for it  
But, they weren't meant for this **

He rolled over to find the bed empty. Concerned, he glanced around the room and found a slither of light snaking out from under the bathroom door. Padding over to it, he pushed the door open and found himself staring at her figure bent over the sink, back arched, hair trailing forward. Grinning, he tip toed forward and wrapped his arms around her waist. She stiffened as she lifted her head up, her eyes finding his in the mirror. A smile graced her features and he felt himself responding as he dropped a soft kiss atop her head………… "Mary"………… "Bible boy". They were finally together: Mary and her Adonis, Bible boy and his Mary.

Chasin' the ghost of a good thing  
Haunting yourself as the real thing  
It's getting away, away, away, away from you again

Tainted love never felt so right yet so wrong. The fights, the arguments……… the hate that burns as much as the love……… It was their way and no matter how hard they tried to fight it, it would always be their way……… But at least they knew they'd be able to stand the test of time together, no matter what life happened to throw at them.  
**Chasin' the ghost of a good thing  
Haunting yourself as the real thing  
It's getting away from you again  
While you're chasin' ghosts**

The end! Hope you've enjoyed this epic tale and thanks to all those who took the time to review and conviced me that I should continue with this story, I had fun. xxxxxxx


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